Recently I've been hearing a daily, "Do I look pretty?" question from Sophia. Some days I just smile and think that she is such a doll and how cute she is as she twirls and bounces around like a little Disney wanna-be. Other days, however, I cringe as my mind begins to spin thinking about all the little nuances behind the question itself. Why does she need to ask this? Doesn't she already know that she holds so much beauty, both inside and out and it's bursting from her? Doesn't she realize the impact she has on others? Does she see, in the mirror, what reflects to us every day?
I, as her mama, feel extra protective as I just want her to know the beauty that lies within each of us. Our world can sometimes skew our understanding of beautiful and I'm particular about making sure that she knows that outside beauty can be of all shapes, sizes, and colors and that we are all beautiful in our own way. So, why is it that she feels the need to ask? Is it that I haven't made myself clear? I can tell you though, this girl has love in her heart that oozes out of her. This is truly what makes her beautiful. It blows my mind when I gaze upon her that I was part of the effort in bringing her into this world and that she contributes so much to our happiness. Never could I imagine life without her, now that we've had the opportunity to have a glimpse of what life can be with her in it.
I reflect on all of this through our conversation one evening..
"Am I pretty?"-Sophia
"Yes, you are beautiful in so many ways, both inside and out." -Me
"Daddy, do you think I'm pretty?"-Sophia
"You know when I find you the most beautiful, Sophia?"-Daddy
"No." -Sophia (disappointed as she was hoping for a generic "yes, you are.")
"When you first wake up in the morning and your hair is a mess and you are staggering into the bathroom half asleep, because you look like YOU and you are so beautiful." -Daddy
"Oh" -Sophia (clearly processing this deep statement and a little confused as to how this could be so beautiful. This is the point during dinner where I am completely and utterly in love with my husband as he boggles my mind with his kind words and his constant and undying love for us to say the perfect thing to his girls...I love him.)
"Do you know when I think you are most beautiful?" -Me
"No." -Sophia
"When you go over to a friend and share with them and when you show kindness to others. You are so incredibly beautiful when you do kind things for others. Your face is so pretty with your smile and you are just so, so beautiful." -Me (hoping she is finally seeing what we see when we look at her)
*silence* (She is thinking about our words and frozen, not sure how to respond)
"Do you know when I think you are the most beautiful Sophia?" -Gavin (Clearly he has taken on some lessons from his amazing father...I'm quite impressed at this point)
"No." -Sophia (Seemingly shocked that her brother could possibly find her beautiful)
"When you play with me. You are so beautiful when you play with me." -Gavin (Ok, yes. I was tearing up a little at this point, looking over at my husband in awe at this comment.)
*smile* (She looks like the point has finally been driven home...we find her gorgeous, for so many reasons)
Life sure does have some rocky moments. There are some in which we feel we will never conquer. This topic just happens to be one of them. I haven't always found myself to be beautiful, but I don't want that for my daughter. I'm hoping that moments like these outweigh what the world depicts as "beautiful" preying on her self image. Next time, I'll try not to wait for her to ask. I'll just tell her what I see and hope that others will do the same. Maybe between all of us, we can help her to know that she is one amazingly, beautiful girl...no matter what.
